I can do better

Christmas Season is SO special to me..

let me rephrase that…

Christmas season 

used to be

SO special to me.

My parents MADE it SO special.

They had a way of making it feel like 

MAGIC !

now..

now they are gone..

I miss them SO much..

now...

it's all just rather hard.

rather challenging.

There is nothing magical about it..

Which.. in some ways…

is ok..

It's a harsh.. and yet important reminder..

Christmas perhaps Is NOT about Magic.

but about THAT baby

in a manger..

So this year,

Machine Man & I took a more relaxed approach.

a more.. focused approach…

focused on the BABY in the manger…

With Moriarty, & CS being down, & Little Mans health icky

we thought relaxed was 

The WAY to go..

In hopes of sparking

some of that magic..

because SOMETIMES

we loose the magic by trying too hard.

by thinking too hard..

by forcing things…

by changing things up TOO much.

I think.. perhaps we got a little closer to the goal..

not much.. but a little..

and heading in the RIGHT direction..

is really what it's ALL about ..

Christmas season is full of a LOT of things..

Full of food, we KNOW we shouldn't eat…

Full of shopping, and lights..

It's a season of traffic jams,

and weird weather patterns,

and school productions, 

with lines to remember...

and work parties

and school parties

and arts and crafts.

Christmas Season is FULL.

It is full of seeing people we don't often see.

People we love, but all too often people who we don't really ..

REALLY do life with.

People who ask a LOT of questions..

but don't have the time, 

or perhaps the actual interest in actually listening to the answers

to the many questions they ask.

Sometimes Questions.. 

which...require bigger answers than people think.

So, it's awkward.

Especially when ones brain has been fried by a 

Gamma Knife..

and ones thyroid is totally whacked out

and… and .. and...

and the filter is a bit broken

and I am trying hard to process…

EVERYTHING.

from lights

to sparkles

and colors

and so many voices

and so many sounds

and so many …

everythings..

hard to process

all.of.it.

so I try.. to 

and let EVERYTHING else go…

but here's the thing..

and what MOST people don't understand

ABOUT 

introverts

I was raised to BE outgoing.. 

but I AM an introvert by nature..

Machine man.. HE is the extrovert.. 

who is QUIET by life's experience..

so … I appear bubbly at times… 

but I get my energy from being alone…

solitude… books.. painting, photography...

He, however... from being amongst others…

When I am ill…

 I REALLY don't do great in social settings.

I really try.. 

for him.

but..

It's SO hard.

I could hibernate all the winter long.

see… because I am often bubbly..

because I was raised to be outgoing..

Many people are VERY uncomfortable around me

when I can't keep that up.

VERY uncomfortable around my "unbubbly" side..

It's not a fake me or anything..

I really DO get bubbly.

I really GET social..

for short spurts. and then I run out of energy,

and go home to "re-boot"

read a book, 

take a nap..

cook

etc..

but when I don't have that energy to begin with..

like since after surgery,

when my brain is a bit off kilter…

People… I have noticed… 

some people, are uncomfortable.

and they let me hear ALL about it..

because believe me..

I need MORE condemnation.?

Seriously…?

I don't..

If MY health upsets you..

please..

1.  take it to God in prayer first.

2.  seek WISE counsel..

these first two things are 

CLEARLY laid out in scripture.

do this for any ill person in your life.

do not just go to them

with all your woes about how

their behavior during THEIR trial is making 

YOU feel this or that…

stop and ask..

3. is it about you?

4. are YOU sprinkling grace?

5. Is this person in a place to even grasp this in a healthy way?

6. IS God calling you to speak into their lives?

I am actually shocked 

at how many people have decided

that NOW is the time to leave me,

or tell me how they REALLY feel,

or what they REALLY think,

now…

not when I was healthy..

NOT when my mind was clear before they melted some of it..

NOW 

during my healing..

It causes me pause..

Were these folks so insecure..

Were they waiting for me to be weak

so they could feel strong…?

so sad.. too bad..

too bad for them..

I am a warrior now

I am survived a great battle..

MANY battles actually..

and am in 

constant daily training..

simple things MIGHT be hard for me now.. 

but that's because 

I am wearing

ARMOR.

The Armor of God…

and I will tell you friends….

It's about a baby in a manger..

That became a MAN on a cross..

that was a GOD the whole time..

and paid the price for my sin

and for yours

and 

we need to learn to wield our weapons better

and not injure one another

we need to stop..

and put it all before HIM

and consider everything

in the the LIGHT of Christ

and HIS work

and HIS teachings

and HIS love

and HIS grace

and HIS peace

and HIM

just… 

HIM

we can do better..

each of us..

I know..

I can