blessings and rest...

yesterday was a hard day

from early in the morning 

when I sat up in bed

and let those feet hit the floor

till the very last moment..

it was just a long

challenging day

we all get them…. 

each one of us…

you know you do.

days when there isn't room to breathe..

to stop and drink

to stop and eat..

it's just.. that my body 

can't handle that

and by the time I came HOME

and sat down..

and realized it was evening..

and I hadn't eaten

ALL day

or drank anything

ALL day

it was 

no longer a good situation..

My brain began to hurt..

it feels..

different than my headaches..

or my migraines..

I had to re hydrate..

and eat..

but I was too tired to move..

My lovely daughter got me something to drink

and I fell asleep..

sitting on the couch..

right there

with company visiting! 

HA!  

thankfully our company is more like family

and I don't think she minded..

When I woke..

there was dinner

and more water and 

bone broth

and water and 

more water

and My beloved and I talked for a little while

a big THING got handled yesterday..

a CARE...

My parents home was closed on..

officially sold.

One more part of their estate handled..

cared for..

One more BIG, heavy, hard care,

that has been on my mind,

on OUR hearts

on OUR schedule

to care for...

was taken off..

I don't feel it yet..

I sort of just feel…

sad..

because I haven't really grieved them yet..

I miss them..

it feels so bottled up

but like they are away on a trip..

I have to handle so much,

hold so much together,

take care of this, and that…

and my Husband has been 

FREAKING amazing!

NOW that their home is sold.

and I just want to cry..

but that makes my head hurt more..

so..

I will try to wait on that too..

I believe in dealing with things..

being LED by the dreams and hopes and inspirations that 

God places on our hearts..

not ever by fear…

but sometimes..

there are seasons of trials…

burdens..

illness

death

and we have to do

what NEEDS doing..

because what needs doing

just must be done..

and no one else is going to do it.

we have to go in crisis mode,

we go into automatic

and frankly,

in many ways,

Machine Man and I have been in this crisis mode

since 2009,

and we are tired.

So, this sale, 

it is bitter sweet...

With each strain off my back..

I can sleep a little better…

and

lets be honest..

SLEEP at all.

last night..

whilst this was NOT my view

it was on my mind.. 

 in my dreams

and sleep I did..

no casein or milk in my body

no gluten or nightshades

or stevia to mess up my hormones

just me

utter exhaustion

 a big CARE

an important CARE

that meant so very much to me 

to have done;

finally was done.

and sleep came..

When I woke

I was rested.. 

I feel ready to do THAT again.

to sleep again tonight.

sometimes..

people imply,

because I have a LOT on my plate right now..

that I am worried

or if they were me that they would be worried.

or not Trusting…

not trusting in God.

when really..

that isn't the case at all…

sometimes

we just have a LOT to do

a LOT to care for

it's what GOD put there

He did it.

HE is sovereign..

and HE knows what He is doing

and 

that doesn't mean

we don't have a LOT of work to do

it does mean

we can trust Him..

that we perhaps shouldn't add to it…

I tend to freak about all the wrong things..

or the things that would make you go cross eyed..

things you would NEVER think I would freak out about..

and we don't need to freak out.

The Bible says 365 times that we don't need to worry..

I don't read that as a rebuke..

but as a loving reminder

from a compassionate

and LOVING God

that knows we will anyways..

so thankful

He took this care

and wrapped it up

lovingly…

So thankful for the LOVING husband

who kept his vows

when SO many wouldn't have.

let's be honest..

When so many husbands HAVEN'T.

vows to 

to love me

honor me

cherish me

in sickness

and in health

through good times

and some pretty bad

yes..

my husband is a man.

therefore he can be a pain in the rear.

he is NO mr. perfect, ladies I promise you.

but.

he LOVES me

he does his best to do all these things.

he comes home to ME every day.

and as awful as things have gotten

as sick as I have been he 

HE hasn't walked..

and I am truly

so so thankful

because I know

how special that is..

and I love him SO much.

that not everyone has the same blessings

not every spouse chooses to BE the blessing they are called to be

we don't all rise to the occasion..

I probably suck more than not..

I am so thankful to Jesus.

He is Ever faithful.

long suffering

full of grace

and mercy

and is a

God of REST

i like the giving me rest part..

more than I can EVER find words to explain.