Friday, January 30, 2015

on my knees

I was too ill to pick up Little Man at school today..

but CS (my oldest son) came home with a verbal report from the teacher…
despite starting all these new meds
and all the stuff that can make him feel so yucky…
today was officially the "best day" he has had so far this year..
now.. on one hand..that is not saying a WHOLE lot..
but on the other.. it's saying a WHOLE LOT!
feeling thankful..
feeling hopeful..
and refusing to let up on the prayers
or the prayer requests…
on my knees before my KING for the heart, health and mind of this little boy

Thursday, January 29, 2015

hard days

I am getting weary of the Storms…
beating down on my house
I feel plum worn out

I have sick kids.. 
kids facing BIG scary horrible awful stuff..
and they are brave
I am weak, 
Watching them go through what they have to go through..
its upsetting..
Being sick 
means I am not much help..
except.. that I really really GET them..
and support them and love them and can BE there for them…
and encourage them
to be
I can pray with them..
and do !

sometimes life is hard
sometimes I am tired
sometimes I get sad..
but always
Jesus is there for me
for us…
I can go to Him in prayer


Monday, January 26, 2015


Knock out punch

right about now..
I feel a wee bit like 
the looser on the left..
is my 
The orange needs IT armor
to withstand the pressures
to float in the waters
and not sink
beneath lifes trials..
and so do I.
Yet every day,
it feels like such a struggle 
to get it ON.
I really am such a wimp.
I am not a big…
but I am called to be a warrior Princess…
This battle really is frontline stuff..
I confess to being weary
worn out
every day.. 
I MUST remind myself..
what is the fight over?
What is all this fighting about you wonder…
how do I fight..?
in all honesty..
I fight poorly..
how am I supposed to fight?
God's word offers me clear directions.
but ..
I stink at putting ON my armor..
I slip in the mud
and don't stand firm like a soldier should
peace feels like a dream
sometimes fleeting
but pray
I pray…
I pray for my people
and for you
I know
that God is faithful..
do you?
He has never left me
never forsaken me
and I trust He never will.
The war I am in,
isn't really just about me..
It affects all the people in my home..
Many of you might be able to relate ..
the truth is
i feel broken
tears keep welling up
I feel 
and weepy
I am grieving
so many people
so many hopes
I am thankful to know 
waiting on a wonderful
for me
as I go through
this trial

Sunday, January 11, 2015

walking amongst

Today we walked amongst the shiny happy people
The smiling 
joy filled
Jesus loving
and it was nice..
It seemed a NICE thing to do..
the being with the Jesus loving people..
It doesn't SEEM like it would be when you are 
Dark and Twisty…
it is a good thing to walk amongst the Shiny Happy people.
Walking amongst the shiny happy people, in their land
can either be BLINDING to your eyes,
be PAINFUL to your soul,
or be wonderfully refreshing…,
like the splashing cool fresh water on your war torn face..
Well..we were refreshed..
but starkly reminded..
that we are
it's ok.. this place
that we are in..
it's not like we WANT to be here
It IS exactly where Jesus has us.
It's a result of the trial we are in.
It's PART of the trial we are in..
It's the way to 
We aren't IN the Shire anymore.

Our travels with Jesus just now,
are over different terrains…
they are arduous
and challenging
and dark..
and our humor
our perspective
our very selves feel different ..
when amongst others..
but because we ARE ALL going through it..
we don't even notice the change.
but we did today..
we noticed..
the dark and twisty
when we were amongst the shiny happy
selfie taking
church cheering
Jesus loving people.

Christ Jesus, 
Our Savior is still present..
still our Center..
Still our focus
our all in all.. 
I say OUR.. 
thinking.. believing..
 that I write for my family..
but I can in all honesty
only FIRMLY speak for me.. ever.
HE is my focus, MY center, 
MY hope.
and I loved my time amongst the sparkling, glittering people.

Our world has glimpses of sunshine..,
and bursts of laughter..,
and explosions of passion.
We FIGHT for family time,
and card games,
quiet time,
study time
and dinner time
truth is..
absolutely nothing is easy right now.
but it really IS just a season.
rainy season right?

With out a little rain, there would be no blossoms ahead in the spring..
no roses
no lilacs
no sunflowers,
no fruit on the branches..
no veggies in my garden…
but for now..
it's pouring rain…
but my Father in Heaven PROMISES me..

and someday..
when we pass through this trial..
when we get to the other side of THIS trial..
and the darkness turns to dawn..
the twisty in me..
gets straightened out..
even just a little..
and the dark
might also become 
a little sparkly..
and happy
and lovely
and clear
it will be lovely…
hanging out in the
land of the 
smiling people
seems like a great goal
steer the ship towards
when the seas are stormy

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Kung fu Panda

annoying me..
LET me tell ya..
we have this HYSTERICAL cast of characters here
from MY skewed vantage..
(the writer, creative personality BEHIND this brain)
It seems he's 
consulted with some other very 
nasty criminals..
are these two villains..
The very disturbed winter ICE queen who has trapped
ALL little children in NORTHERN Midwest
IN their homes
for not
a "SNOW" day
but rather…
a "FROZEN" day
meaning .. it's too FREAKISHLY COLD to play OUTSIDE
do you comprehend what that means..????
do you REALLY?
has consulted to hire
before you know it
(Insert song)

The destruction is great…
and the facts are these..
and as HARD as things can get
and as MESSY 
and destroyed
as things here can get
the rule of the house is

But our GOD makes promises..
and I have clung to those in the past..
and HE has never let me down..
He has been ever faithful
steadfast and trustworthy..

I will prevail.. 
over tantrums
in my home
and in my mind..
over messes
in my home
and in my mind
over screaming..
in my home
and in my mind..
in my home 
and in my mind
over sadness
in my home
and in my mind
over grief
from it all..
because it IS sad..
IT is ok to grieve
the death of people we have lost..
the dreams we have had that are lost..
for now..

There is this beautiful art form in Japan..
It is ancient
and it is honoring.
it is called the 
it takes broken pieces..
and repairs them
with refined gold or silver.
The understanding is
that the piece is far more beautiful
having suffered the brokenness,
and damage, and restoration.
So it also is with our God.
May it also be,
with our Family.
May the healing come,
healing the bodies,
all of it..
what ever is broken
may GOD put right,
may HE repair
with gold and silver
as He sees fit.

Monday, January 5, 2015

not alone

Have you ever SAID that..
I trust YOU…
Sometimes… We can THINK we are trusting God, when really..
we are trusting what someone ELSE has said about HIM.
or we are trusting someone Else who we think.. knows Him..
or we trust a different God all together..
It isn't even God we are putting our Trust in..
it's people..
or in a "personality"
which isn't smart.. because people, while being lovely,
FAIL often.. they just do.
they aren't even punctual often..
They lie, about stupid things.. like that my blouse looks nice or ..
that I look great after surgery.. really?
I looked GREAT when I was 23.. I didn't look so great after surgery 
They had great excuses.. like they were.. being nice..
but really.. it was still.. a lie.
and how can I know that?
HOW could I ever write that..
because I am human..
I have been there.. done that.. 
God.. doesn't EVER lie..
and sometimes.. that sucks.
It's HARSH.. 
we don't LIKE hearing the TRUTH 24/7
we are used to lying to ourselves
and being lied to..

That said… 
Getting to know GOD…
is KEY in putting your TRUST in HIM.
The best way to KNOW Him
that I know of
is to be reading HIS love letter to you.
The 66 books of the Bible,
and by being IN Prayer
and being in fellowship.
here ye, here ye!!
I have shared ALL this.. because.. 
many times.. 
fellowship have been VERY difficult for me to obtain.
See.. Moriarty is IN the brain..

and sometimes,
people wear things…
perfumes, and cologne
and stuff, that make them think they smell pretty..
that make my brain hurt..
and then I have to leave. 
and stay in bed for about 4 days.
Sometimes… the music is so .. well the base is so..
that I have to take meds and stay in bed.. for a couple days..
Sometimes, I am too sick to go..
sometimes people say hurtful things
and other times, 
they exclude, and maybe..
maybe they don't even KNOW that they are 
being all exclusive..
maybe they just are not very 
inclusive people..
But I have often felt …
lonely because of ALL of this..
So finding a place to FELLOWSHIP
is huge to me;
and I totally understand that about myself.
how encouraging is THAT?
I like the idea of being CLEANSED?
I rather need it..
I have found, in my trial… that sometimes that fellowship
is meeting intentionally with other strong believers in Christ.
Bringing my Bible, and spending TIME with them 
IN joyful conversations, with Gods word just there,
ready to be opened to…
often it's been by joining a small group of women for bible study.
other times, its been by email, Facebook and phone.

yes.. I have been sick enough that THOSE were my only options.
fellowship is key.

HEARING Gods word preached has never been easier for me 
I can tune in or find on the internet
to MANY place for GREAT messages..
here are some of MY favorites

For music I find and gather playlists
One of them I have shared with all of you,
it is on the right column of this blog.
It is on you tube.
I have it listed under Overcoming Moriarty ! HA!  
because it's MY 
intention to OVERCOME
Jesus gave me this verse ..
and it 
Right now..
I am walking through the book of Phillipians..
I find it one of the MOST encouraging books of the Bible..
Uplifting, instructive and ENCOURAGING…
frankly friends..
I could use a little of all of THAT!
here is what I am chewing on today

Paul and Timothy, bond-servants of Christ Jesus,
To all the [a]saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, [b]including the overseers anddeacons: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your [c]participation in the gospel from the first day until now. For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

I would LOVE to get a letter like that.. 
wouldn't YOU?
THAT is a great letter!
Having someone who is ALWAYS thanking GOD when remembering you,
ALWAYS offering prayer with JOY in their hearts FOR YOU..
because of YOUR participation in the gospel
(ps.. gospel means GOOD NEWS.. It's the GOOD NEWS.. because.. you and I , we're sinners.. we mess up, screw up, we break HIS rules.. we do.. all of us.. and doing that, means we have to pay a penalty.. and the penalty for breaking even ONE of HIS rules ..even ONE time is Death.. So where does the "good" part come in?  The good comes in, when Jesus paid the price.. and died on that Cross for my sins.. and paid MY penalty for me! and for you.. ) 

 and would love for someone to have that confidence that GOD is perfecting the good work in me..
My mom and dad always had.. confidence and hope in me..
no one else has EVER had that kind of confidence or hope.
I think Paul maybe had THAT sort of confidence and hope, only 
I think.. that the passage is encouraging.. and I want you to know.. That.. I thank God for all of you..YOU have been praying for me, and I am offering MY Prayer with JOY for all of you.. for the work YOU have been doing, in view of YOUR participation of the Gospel.  And I too am CONFIDENT, as Paul did, that HE who began a good work in you WILL perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus..
I saw a lovely friend this weekend, and she was fretting .. JUST a bit.. that she had done nothing…. nothing at all to help serve my family in our trial.. I could see she was very troubled, that she had wanted to help, but she's not the cooking type, and her schedule isn't the childcare type.. I listened, and she shared she'd been praying..  and I had to stop her.. because RIGHT there… Her prayers.. RIGHT there, were exactly what I needed.
SHE is serving my family… by loving us, and lifting us up, by speaking kindness every time she sees and deals with my family.. she IS blessing us..
and while some are hands and feet, some are quiet prayers to the Lord..
we aren't all the same parts of the body..
but we all have a place..
WE all have a place..
NO person need feel left out of GOD's big party..
WE have all been invited..
It's a question of who puts on the party clothes and goes…
It might be a pretty come as you are kind of party..
those are often… 
the best kind..
Your prayers friends..
they mean SO much..
Thank you for NEVER making me face this battle alone!
 please know..
I am praying for you too..
any urgent prayer requests will be shared with the 
Overcoming Moriarty Facebook group
which IS private
but is there for the sole purpose of prayer
so if you should have need
you can leave a prayer request in the comment section below
just remember..
no matter WHAT

Saturday, January 3, 2015

NIH Article on new drug possibilities

exciting article about possible future treatments.. for my kind of tumor..
so much to learn…
so much to ponder...

Friday, January 2, 2015

ok to be overwhelmed

There are times.. 
When all of this..
overwhelms me..
you are not shocked..
are you.?
so I just keep telling myself..
but then.. 
I do..
I know.. I now
have this monster in my brain
tormenting me
messing with my thinking
and there is a whole 
LOT to 
think about..
but trying to NOT think
isn't exactly working.
and in all honesty
and ok..
a little of the 
sleepy tired too..
it's normal..
it sucks..
and you for that matter..
and I have to hold to that..
when all the diagnoses pile up
and all the school stuff piles up
and all the construction stuff that ..
didn't get done
and the re moving in
is overwhelming us
and didn't get done..
I have to remember
that what I think of my life right this moment in time
really isn't what matters..
and HE is the kind
and loving
and gentle
when my head rages in pain
and my home is loud 
and messy
He is full of grace and patience
when I feel failure overwhelming me
His words 
are what I cling to
they are my 
my love 
it's that …
That I cling to..
Because He is sovereign over this 
GRAND Adventure…
and It's HIM that I am holding on to 
and His words and promises..

holding fast.. 
because really..
that's my only option
 that and bursting into tears ..
which I tend to do..
on occasion..

It's ok..
to be overwhelmed while overcoming
so much
at least that..
is what I keep telling myself.. 
sure is a
good thing
 I have 
God on my side
and my God..
is such a Good and Gracious 
and LOVING God